It's nature or nuture?

I'm sick and tired of life.
Why do i feel so lonely now? Not trying to act emo but I'm just trying to express how I'm feeling right now. I'm starting to think that I'm an introvert. They once said JC is the most hectic and has the greater chance of widering our social circle but that's not the case for me. In fact, i cant click well with my schoolmates, a lot of time I've to take my own initiative to catch up with them or even to talk them. When it comes to jokes, i always find myself unable to follow up with their jokes or apprehend it. This sucks, seriously. And also, to 'live' with them, i have to constantly change my character to something similar to theirs, otherwise it's I myself again.


Family? Hate to ask myself this but do i have a complete family? Yea, they do give me allowance; they joke; they cook and they ask about my studies. But when i'm down and needs someone close to speak to, where are they? Huh, probably sleeping or even snoring away. I feel obliged to study and have to ignore my emotions all the time just because they are working really hard to earn a living. I AM a human and I DO have feelings. My dad, who i seldom talk to, treats money as everything. The care and concern he has for me is by giving my allowance every half a month. For all he cares is I'm still walking around the house alive and i bet he doesn't even know I'm studying in jc. Often, i find myself at the junction of deciding whether or not to share my problems with them. Home has seemingly became a place where i sleep, eat, study and none others. This is not about anger but disappointment. But well, forget it. Nothing i say will help solve problem.

I have good friends from secondary school but most of the time i feel sorry for them. I should admit that i have a weird personality and that has resulted in me abandoning friends when I'm upset. I'm sorry but i cant help having that kind of feeling. Sometimes, when i type a personal message into my msn i would usually ask myself if there's anyone who would even bother about it. Maybe I'm a workaholic, cant help having random emotions during free times. Ah! FORGET IT...

Tomorrow will be my goldfishes and I, meaning I'll be accompanying them the whole day.

This is a emo entry, don't bother if they don't feel like reading. But if you do spare a thought for me, i appreciate it. =)











Together, it seems..